My dad taught me a lot of things. One of those things was to always read the instructions first. Considering how many instruction booklets are out there that could take an extremely long time to accomplish. However not all of us are ‘how you say’ mentally equipped to face the challenges that life throws at us.
I found myself in need of an extension cord. It happens to all of us. Sometimes we need power and we need it in another room. Or in my case I decided to buy a power drill and noticed a significant price difference between one ‘with a cord’ and a ‘cordless’ one. Actually it was a difference of about a hundred dollars. Had I known that the one ‘with’ a cord was shorter than my attention span (hey look a bird!) I would have opted for the cordless.
I was now in the market for an extension cord. (For those who don’t know what an extension cord is I suggest you turn about face and walk till your hat floats)
So in buying an extension cord I noticed it came with an instruction booklet? How could there be enough instructions on a cord that would require a whole booklet? (Well it was more of a tag)
Here’s how the booklet read.
1. “DANGER ELECTRICAL CORDS CAN BE HAZARDOUS”!!!
Pretty straight forward. I agree.
2. MISSUSE CAN RESULTS IN FIRE OR DEATH BY ELECTRICAL SHOCK.
3. PLEASE READ BOTH SIDES AND FOLLOW ALL DIRECTIONS.
Now for starters…both sides? The other side is in French. So really to follow the instructions for the extension cord properly i’ll need to learn another language, and French of all! How rude!?
4. CORD NOT MARKED FOR OUTDOOR USE IS TO BE USED INDOORS AND NOT OUTDOORS.
Yeah… picture that scenario. “Can I borrow an extension cord? I don’t know if you should take that outside? Is it an outdoor cord? We’ll let me just check that for ya! Get outta here fool!
5. DONOT USE IF DAMAGED!
Isn’t that why we have electrical tape? That’s what my dad showed me to do. You have a little slice in your cord you just wrap that sucker in electrical tape. Perfectly fine now.
6. LOOK FOR THE NUMBER OF WATTS ON APPLIANCES TO BE PLUGGED INTO THE CORD.
Huh? Could you pass me that extension cord I need to plug this thing in?
How many watts is it?
How many watts?
7. DONOT PLUG MORE THAN THE SPECIFIED NUMBER OF WATTS INTO ANY CORD.
Pretty much…don’t plug your jet fighter into the same thing you’re plugging your lamp into. I don’t know why you’d plug in a jet anyway…they use fuel. Stupid instructions.
8. DONOT RUN THROUGH DOORWAYS, HOLES IN THE CEILING, WALLS OR FLOORS.
So it can’t run through doorways, holes in ceiling, walls or floors? So what they are saying is they want this cord to float? Is what I’m led to believe here? Unless this part is just friendly advice and they don’t want us running through walls or ceilings. What am I Superman!!?
9. MAKE SURE APPLIANCE IS OFF THE FLOOR BEFORE CONNECTING THE CORD.
What if it’s a vacuum? I guess however that’s a good rule to follow people. When it comes to electrical knives, circular saws, and wood burning kits.
10. DONOT (there are a lot of those) USE EXCESSIVE FORCE TO CONNECT.
Kind of like dropkicking your laptop when you cannot get a good internet signal.
11. DONOT CONNECT A THREE PRONG PLUG TO A TWO HOLE CORD.
We’ve all done that! C’mon! You got a 3 prong and a 2 end. What do you do? You just turn the 3 prong upside down and stick it in the top.
12. KEEP AWAY FROM WATER.
13. DONOT USE WHEN WET.
14. KEEP CHILDREN AND PETS AWAY FROM CORD.
Usually it’s to plug in their shit! Well maybe just the kids? I can’t recall the last time I needed an extension cord for a dog or child. Except when either get out of line! Then it becomes more of a whip. Just kidding!!! I’d never whip an animal.
15. DONOT PLUG ONE CORD INTO ANOTHER CORD.
Now isn’t that kinda the point of an extension cord? To ‘extend’ something? What if you have 3 extension cords kicking around and none of them meet the required length that you need? You connect them to each other don’t you!
16. DONOT DRAG OR PLACE OBJECTS OVER THE CORD. DONOT WALK ON CORD.
Hell!! I’ve driven over the cord before!
17. AFTER USE, GRASP THE PLUG TO REMOVE FROM OUTLET
Really who follows that? It’s much easier to just gently and slowly tug until you finally yank it out and then one of the prongs is bent sideways. Then you just grip it and bend it back. Right!?
18. DONOT REMOVE THIS TAG.
I guess I should have read the instructions before I read the instructions.