Monthly Archives: October 2012

Slow it down people!!

If you can read this, please pick up the pace.

“Slow it down people.”

I’m sure you have yelled this from the grocery aisle or inside your automobile at some point.  Notice how I said “automobile” instead of specifying a specific vehicle.  I’m not prejudice like that.  Now that I’ve finished making a point for no reason I can get back to the topic on hand.

Why the rush, why the hurry?  Why did that guy run the red light only to come to a dead stop at the next red light only a block away?  Cause he/she is a dick?  Maybe they don’t know the rules of the road?  That’s possible I guess?

What about that idiot that jay walked across a busy road only to stop at the street meat vendor when he reached the other side? (Those random animal parts smashed together in the shape of a phallic symbol will still be there in a minute if you waited for the ‘walk sign’ you asshole!)  That friggin’ woman who had to squeeze in-between my shopping cart and the poorly put together sample rack at the end of the aisle causing it to spill everywhere (making the stock boys life even more pathetic) only to come to a halt to view just how many different kinds of Triscuits there are!

We’ve all been there.  I’m sure several of us are in fact guilty of several of those things, especially the people who cannot wait for the walk sign at an intersection and take off the moment the adjacent lights have the green signal.  “Wait!!! You forgot about the advanced turning green arrow! Those people can still turn!!”  Ahhh hell with it, run them over and help decrease the idiot populace.

Are we all that stir crazy?

Why can’t we just plant our feet firmly on the ground for a measly few seconds in order to let someone by?   Is that being kind or just a weakness in today’s fast paced world?  To let that yellow light turn red and come to a nice calm stop instead of making all the other vehicles and pedestrians around us jump back and shit our pants simultaneously as you blast through a crowded intersection like a scene from “Death race 2000”.

I think it’s because we are conditioned that way on a daily basis.  That ‘GO GO’ rush that the world seems to have a plenty of.  Not enough time?  Not enough hours in the day?  Not enough, not enough, NOT ENOUGH!!  Our cups are never full.  We are under the belief that if we hesitate for a few seconds that it will somehow affect our entire day.  This only happens in action flicks involving slow ticking explosive devices.

“If I don’t run this red light in my beautiful, ill gotten BMW all will be lost.  I won’t make the light!  Ill arrive at work a whole 30 seconds later, they’ll give that promotion to someone else.  My spouse won’t love me as much, sleep with my dog walker and then I’ll have to hang myself in shame with an inferior towel in my 3 bedroom condo overlooking a homeless shelter.  Wow that got carried away quick! My whole world could have been saved if I had just run that red light!”

NOT TRUE!!!  The world will continue to spin even if you slow down for a few seconds.  I’m going to hit you all with a radical new idea–Want to know what it’s called?  Ok, here goes.

It’s called patience.

That’s right, PATIENCE!

Now some of you may be looking at this word like a dog trying to understand Television.  As if lobsters started crawling out of my ears or I just started speaking Portuguese.  Well, believe it or not this concept has been around for a while.  In actuality it is a minor form of ‘despair’ disguised as a virtue.  So basically it’s a painful thing to do but makes you a stronger person for doing it.  Like pull-ups.  Did you get all that?

Being Patient and understanding to our fellow humans is a positive thing.  Next time you feel you can squeeze into the middle of that intersection and be caught in the middle, just take a second to think. How do the other people going the other direction get by now?  Are you any farther ahead?

Think of it as a time trial in a race that does not matter.

Wow, good job at riding my ass and passing like a madman!  You’re an entire car length ahead of me pal!  If this was a race to the finish you would be a fraction of a second ahead of me.  Was it worth all that passing and speeding?  Of course not!  You’re only a second ahead of where you were in your miserable life.  (Too bitter?)  And guess what?  Nothing has changed.  Your still the ever impatient person you were a few seconds ago except now you have another speeding ticket and bike courier jammed under your rear fender.

Can’t we all just take a breath and slow down once in a while, can’t we just…

Fuck all this!  This is taking too long!  I don’t have time to beat you over the head as I’m currently in the drive-thru and need to post this while I still have the free Wi-Fi signal.

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