Monthly Archives: November 2011

Diesel a bust. Nuclear a must.

So this is my first follow-up to a blog I’ve posted.  If you are unaware here’s a quick summary of the situation.  The Canadian government in 1998 bought four used submarines from Britain for around 750 million.  The subs have been mostly in dry dock (not the ocean) ever since.  That has cost a couple of billion since 1998, as well as the life of one unfortunate sailor when one sub caught fire.

These have been a huge waste of billions and now after all this time they may have to scrap them!  That’s an expensive mistake.  That’s like divorcing madonna 8 times!

But now they have decided they don’t want any used diesel subs.  They want Nuclear subs.  Those will cost us a pretty penny.  What a bunch of children we really are.  When will we wake up and realize that money should be invested on a thousand different causes before we need more submarines.  What the holy hell in a handcart are we going to do with more submarines?  I’ll admit I thought “down Periscope” was funny and “The hunt for Red October is awesome!”  Give me a much-needed break!

Talk about being little kids.  But mommy!  America has new subs and they’ve been talking smack all week!  It’s not like we’re asking for an aircraft carrier.

I can’t take it anymore!!!  I can’t face that we are still that stupid a civilization.  We still don’t see the big picture.  It’s all just a game still isn’t it?  What this world needs is some fresh young un-corrupted minds that can steer it to a new course.

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Canadians… we’re not that nice.

Whats worse is you can also drink at 18 in Montreal.

The setting: The parking lot of a metro grocery store on a cold rainy November evening. I found myself sitting in my car and the battery had gone dead.  I just love it when that happens.  I exited my car and proceeded to remove the jumper cables from my trunk (I had two pairs?  Dad, do I owe you a set?).  So now all I have to do is find someone with a running car in a crowded grocery store parking.  That should be easy, shouldn’t it?

The rain started to pummel my face.  I was located at the front of the store parking, adjacent to the handy capped space, the remaining 3 spaces to my right, rear right and rear left are unoccupied.

Suddenly my savior pulls in right beside me (or so I thought) in the form of a white Volkswagen Jetta.  The man steps out and I’m waiting.  “Excuse me,” I said, “Do you think you could give me a boost?”

The man without missing a beat, “No call a cab.”

After the initial shock of what he said, which was only about a few seconds, I said, “Are you serious?” He kept walking and gave me a half turn, “it’s under plastic and I uhh…” His voice faded away.

“No, that’s okay, I’ll find someone else,” I shouted.  He walked a few steps towards me making an attempt to convince me that it’s easier to call a cab rather than use the jumper cables I have in my hands. I interrupt him again, “No that’s alright!  I’ll just wait for a decent person to come along.”  He turned and slumped his mediocre self away. I didn’t get his name but I did get his license plate number.  Would you like it?

I then saw a guy across from me walking to his truck.  I walked a few steps towards him, “Excuse me, can you give me a boost? “ “Nah,” said the hurried guy, “It’s not my truck. “ What the hell does that mean?  Iguess if it’s his buddy’s truck he’s not allowed to help people while using it.

Another lady exits the store and I hear the sound of an alarm being deactivated behind me. Fantastic, I thought.  Not only is this women already done her shopping, but her car is parked behind me and my car’s battery is located in the trunk (Yes, I know it’s weird, but it actually works out a lot.  It wasn’t my choice, but there’s no room in the front for the battery compartment.  Anyway…) She walks up to her car that’s unlocked and I ask her the question and she promptly answers with, “No, I have to go pick up my kids.” Man these people are racking up all kinds of bad karma for themselves!

I try a few more cars, but when I approach people in their cars I guess they expect I’m some kind of begger and they refuse to even acknowledge that I was asking for help.  They turned their heads away and ignored me.  One guy locked his doors and turned on the radio until I walked away.  Wow!  Nowi know what  someone with infectious syphilis feels like.

I can remember several times when I actually drove someone to a gas station to fill a jerry can (gas can) and drove them back to their cars! I guess it’s because my father usually stops for people in distress.  I’ve seen him drive someone to a Canadian tire, buy a fan belt, then drive back and help them install it, taking over an hour for the whole process.  And I can’t even get someone to give me a boost when I’m holding the friggin’ jumper cables myself! (completely flabber ghasted!)

So out of the corner of my eye I see a women getting into the handy capped space to my left rear.  I figured I would not ask her because, well, she has enough problems, I think.  She pulls into the space behind me previously occupied by the ‘busy mother.’  She opens her door and smiles brightly and says, “Do you need a boost?”  My soaking wet expression of anger and frustration dissipates and I give her hearty thumbs up.

“I heard some of those others,” she said, “What jerks!”  We share a laugh.

After I pack the jumper cables back into the trunk, I shake her hand and ask her, her name.  “My name’s fay,” she says.

Thanks Fay… You made my day.

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Canadians foot huge sub bill! I wish it was about sandwiches..

In the town where i was born.. we bought some lemons

Well, Canada Keeps impressing me!!!

Get this, we spent, our country, Canada, 890 million dollars
to buy 4 Russian submarines from the British.

Turns out they are lemons.
What do I mean when I say they are lemons?  They do not submerge!!!

Isn’t that kind of the point in saying you own a
submarine?  I mean, people won’t just come over to your house if your submarine doesn’t go underwater.  I don’t think were buying them for their roomy interiors or because we can water ski behind them!

They don’t go under water? Are you serious?  Who’s running this F@#&ing ship?  People!
Awaken from your slumber!

It’s this kind of shit that’s destroying the country!  It’s this kind of madness and careless spending that should motivate us to find our voices.

We have 890 million to blow on some fancy metal (soon to be Ontario
place attraction).  A rusted out, hand me down from a country who once sent an angry boxer to kill Apollo creed, but we don’t have enough money for things like schools, hospitals and police officers,

Fuck teachers, cut the fire department staff, but I think we need another expensive ass sub to protect us from the Loch Ness monster and that bully who keeps swiping my shorts underwater (but not too deep, remember, they don’t submerge).

Why not just build some new ones ourselves?  Wouldn’t that create a bunch of jobs and put money back into our economy?

In case you didn’t know, the subs have more rust than hill-billy’s front yard.  At least it’s giving some jobs to the welders.  That’s only gonna cost a few more million to fix.

Weld those cracks bitches!!!

Who the hell negotiated this deal?  Next time send my father.  He’s never bought a submarine, but he knows how much rust is too much!  They practically
had the periscope held together with Bondo and order forms for newer steel.  What happened at that deal?  Did Canada just show up and were glad that there were some subs left?  Don’t wanna go all that way and come home empty handed, right?

The secret is not to let on how much you want the thing.

Britain was probably thinking, “I say!  There’s absolutely no way they are going to
buy these metal rusty tombs and trust their soldier’s lives underwater in them.”
And our Canadian representative shouted, “Ohh, look they have a Blue one!”

The British took them out of service in 1994!!

The report also said, “Repairs to the pressure hull are
highly desirable from a hull husbandry (careful mangement or conservation of resources) point of view, they are not absolutely necessary.”

Not absolutely necessary!!!!!!???  Sure I guess… kind of like being really drunk
at bar and having the chance to bang Lindsay Lohan.  You would highly prefer to have a condom, but it’s not absolutely necessary. You might actually still get rust as a side
effect…

I bet that 890 million lined someones pockets nicely.
The government is claiming, “It’s ok! We can still use them as training vehicles.”Soooo now, instead of having submergible vehicles, we have 4, floating, 890 million dollar bath tubs to prepare our sailors for a battle
that would have to end up being no deeper than an intense match of Marco Polo.

Stop this ridiculous spending (so we look cool) on vehicles
of war (From what I can tell subs are mainly used for war and if we even went
to war we would have old, outdated subs vs. “technology superior” 30 years newer
subs that can actually go under water).

You know we have a whole occupy movement going on right now
all over the world because of shit like this. This keeps up and we will all be
sunk, except the subs… they float.

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